Hoo, finally arrived back from an exciting half week in Lapland, and a short trip to Tallinn before that. The latter was my first visit to one of the Baltic states, and I while I can’t speak for the rest of Estonia, Tallinn does indeed have its charms.

10 points, if you can tell me what this statue is all about!

Blue... make... happy...

Lapland, now that was a trip. From Joensuu, with a short visit to Rovaniemi and it’s famous vaguely known Santa Claus Village, which proved to be as exciting as it sounds (NOTE: If it does sound exciting to you, you’re either four years old, or there’s something wrong with your head; no offence). From there it was another longish drive over the Swedish border to Kiruna, which greeted us all in white. Yup. Knee-deep snow at the end of October. All over the roads north, too, which we proeceeded to take to Abisko national park every night to look for northern lights.

Keep on truckin'.

We finally hit Norway on our second day up and made it to the Lofoten before we lost the last bit of daylight. Have to say, seeing those majestic mountains surround the fjords was the best bit of the trip; but in the black of Norwegian night the way back up OVER these mountains (in a car that had seen better days and popped a front light that very day, through heavy snowfall) was as horrific as it was awesome. Still, don’t ever make me do that again.

Our third day in Kiruna, then, was marked by hellishly expensive, but completely amazing… dog-sledding. It was the beginning of the season so the dogs were hyped beyond anything, dragging us through the icy wastes with nothing able to stop them. Just as well, since we were not the ones to steer them anyway.

All failsaves are off...

That was about it, except for a long, long, slightly boring drive back south. Frankly, this short update doesn’t give the whole trip due. There was a lot to take in, a huge variety of landscapes and quite a bit of culture shock here and there. And it was hellishly fun. Well, the frozen-over kind of hellish.

Skipping rocks was never my strongest feat...

Forests and lakes and forests, oh my!

Take half a shot for every new lake you spot.
Take a sip of beer for every time you see the same lake again after passing some trees.
Take a shot for spotting a person walk on the road.
Take two shots for a Finnish car in front of you with an actual three-letter word on the license plate.
Drink a sixpack for spotting a moose on the road. You will need it.

Indeed, the silhouette of a moose in the evening mists blocking the road in front of you is quite awe-inspiring. For about two seconds. Then yout hit the breaks and honk like a madman, realizing only minutes later what a cool photo this would have made. Then again, not getting a photo is quite preferable to having a moose up your windshield. But enough of my near-death experiences. If you can think of any more rules, be sure to let me know!

Apart from that, the motorways are quite dull. It is much more fun to take one of the endless opportunities to get off the asphalt and onto the winding country roads that snake through the forest. Avoiding potholes, driving up steep inclines and down tremendous drops just to reach a remote cottage in the woods with a couple of screaming and shouting people in the car feels almost like a rollercoaster ride. Of course, a well-balanced jeep would feel even better in there than ruining the suspension on my golf. Oh well.

Now, it may look safe, but there's potholes the size of large marmots in there! And marmots the size of small deer!

'Sure my suspension can take that!'

So, what did I learn about Finland in these past few weeks apart from it mostly consisting of trees and lakes? Well, without stereotyping too much, for one that Finns are really laid-back people, which is not only reflected in their way of life but most of all in their language. If they decide to speak, which is not a given, talk is usually slow and thoughtful, but may end abruptly when there is no conclusion to be made. This can be quite irritating to a foreigner, awaiting some sort of logical end to the sentence. They do open up after a few drinks, magically so. Up to the point where you can’t get them off you. It is no wonder the alcohol prices are so high, in that regard… And of course there are exceptions to the rule, mostly in the younger female quadrant of Finns.

I also learned that this place will be really cold in winter. October has hardly come to an end and I’m already wearing the warmest jacket I have (one I didn’t even have in Germany, mind you), although on good days with just a T-shirt underneath. Which is a good thing, as rooms tend to be a veritable blast furnace when compared to the outside, as if the Finns wanted to have that sauna feeling everyhwere they go.

Ah yes, sauna. Gotta say, back in Germany I was never quite so much into it, but here I’ve been gladly taking part in it. It also embodies this relaxed lifestyle quite a bit, as after three rounds of hot sauna and a cool shower (or a jump into the lake) you do feel quite at peace wth yourself and the world. And hellishly tired.

And I also learned that Finns can’t play football. Sorry.

... why aren't these guys in the World Cup again?

Not much to say anyway except that I’ve finally arrived in Joensuu, sitting in a quaint little hostel with free WiFi. Driving down those long Finnish motorways comes close to mediation. Forests, lakes, a few fields, forests with lakes shining through, forests and lakes. There wasn’t much of a freeway, most of it was country roads with little dirt paths forking off into the woods, and sometimes, if you were lucky, a lay-by next to a lake.

Well, maybe not upwards.

Finns seem to have a very laid-back driving style, and mostly going at a mere 80-100kph down the 450km drive from Helsinki to Joensuu cannot compare to the aggressive hassle on the German Autobahn. It also saves on fuel. Whether Finns only have such a relaxed driving style due to the many, many, MANY speed traps that line the way or whether they have their tempomats set to chill, I have yet to find out.

Also, I’m growing fond to the local cuisine, namely the incredibly tasty Karelian Pierogi. Had them for breakfast pretty much each day since I had set foot onto the ferry, and both for breakfast and lunch today. My rating: Extremely nommable. Addictive even. And quite inexpensive as well! Now don’t lecture me about the calory intake of carbs with fat and more carbs. I’ve officially stopped caring. <3

Not all too expensive... depends on how much you value your immortal soul.

Mhhh. So, after watching a nice sunset over the Baltic Sea (and a nasty wind whipping up my hair), there was not much left to report about my ferry trip. The next day I was greeted by cold rain, and when I finally drove my car out of the ship’s steel belly and onto the freeway, my sound system started blasting Dropkick Murphys’ “Sunshine Highway”. Well screw you too, random iPod playlist.

In the city, I parked my car at the next convenient spot (free parking till 9am, yay) and had a first glance at Helsinki in the rain. I laid my eyes on the Finnish Parliament, the music park (under construction), and walked on the rocky roof of Temppeliaukio Church… with rabbits living in it! Egads!

Didn't get a better shot than that. Them little varmints is quick!

A quick stroll through the surrounding area later, and noticing that next to nothing is open at 7.30am on a Sunday, I parked my car near the hostel and went up the Olympia Stadium’s tower to watch the city sprawl below me. Lucky for me that by that time the rain had finally stopped. The route was settled: Finlandia Park, inner city, the port, and pretty much everywhere else my feet would lead me. Now, what struck me most while wearing down my soles was the city’s architectural style. Or lack thereof. I can imagine that architecture-savvy travellers will be quite stricken by the many different styles from many different periods, all right next to each other, and sometimes even on the same building. Just check these little shots:

Come to think of it... architecture blogging would be a cool way to get around the globe. Now all I need is some knowledge on the subject...

... I think I just outnerded myself.

Sometimes it’s modern, sometimes Victorian, sometimes industrial and sometimes you have that ugly decaying grey concrete that can only be described as… Soviet. On my aimless walk through the southeastern city, I saw quite a bit of art and sins. Take Kallio Church for instance. Beautiful from the outside, and dwarfing all surrounding buildings on its hill. The inside, however, is as bland as my hostel room. The port, on the other hand, is completely beautiful, and by the time I reached the city proper it was swaming with people to liven the place up a deal. Before, I had seen more seagulls than actual people. Hell, in this city it seems that seagulls think they are people:

Second from the left be pimpin'.

There's also the yellow super mutant variant... what?!

Johan Ludvig Runeberg, composer of the Finnish national anthem and his feathery friend Runebergull, composer of bird droppings.

When I saw those streets filled with people, that’s when I realised… they open up their shops on a Sunday! (cue valley-guy speak) And I was like, amagad, I still need a new jacket, like, for Winter and stuff. Because it’s like totally cold here in Finnorwegimark. And they open up shops like on Sundays, so I was like “I’m totally looking for a jacket now”. Even though my hair was, like, all tangly because I had no time to, like, wash it on the ferry. And I was like, amagad, what if they, like, think I’m a drifter… *cough, sputter* Ugh. That is harder to pull off than it looks. Yeh. Well, the point is that even Finns don’t sell winter jackets in August. I found one that was slightly warmer than the rest and affordable, but I doubt it would keep me from freezing to death while watching auroras in Lapland… which does sound like a euphemism for something kinky, come to I think of it.

After a very late lunch in an authentic Finnish restaurant some noodle place, I made my way back through a few shops towards the hostel, longing to send those little tidbits over the ether to you. All in all, Helsinki is, even in rain, a beautiful city by the sea that doesn’t smell like it.

PS: I’ll set up a Flickr account later, for all those pics that our server can’t won’t should not have to handle.

I’m on a ferry motherfucker, take a look at me
Straight flowin’ on a ferry on the deep blue sea
Bustin’ five knots, wind whippin’ my Burberry
You can’t stop me motherfucker, ’cause I’m on a ferry

Now that that obvious reference is out of the way, I think I owe you a little explanation. At this very moment I’m en route from Rostock to beautiful Helsinki, for a Sunday full of awe and wonder, and then on to scenic little Joensuu where I will spend my Autumn semester. Seeing as it’s the in-thing to blog about your happenings in a strange new world, I’ve started a new category going by the name of “New Horizons” where I will blog about my time abroad. I will also retroactively put that category on all my (two) travel-related posts from the past, for your convenienceâ„¢.

While I’ve made some very uninteresting pics of the ferry’s interior and surrounding sea, the WiFi on board blocks all my attempts to upload them here. For the above pic I had to go some detours and have it saved to a rather unsavoury location outside the WordPress framework by our almighty webmaster. Some smart IT person on board must have blocked all features (even youtube!) that would drag down the WiFi’s performance and make it even more sluggish than it already is. But hey, I’m glad I can post at all.

So, I’ll just have to describe this bucket of bolts to you. As you can see on the pic, it’s the Superfast VIII, a ship of the Tallink-Silja fleet, that is so incredibly lighting quick that the trip from Rostock to Helsinki only takes… 28 hours. We cleared Rockstock port at 2am German time, which meant sleeping through most of the coastal view. I’m glad I shelled out an additional €40 for a shared cabin. The people staying in the deck seat area did look all but rested. And smelling some of them, I guess my sleep wouldn’t have been as tight next to someone down there… the other gents in my little 4-bed cabin, however, are pleasant enough. Two of of them actually didn’t show up last night. Kinda weird, come to think of it.

Food is okay-ish. A bit too expensive, but I guess that’s what you can pull off, if you have the on-board monopoly. The cakes we had for lunch however… mouthwatering. Let’s see what dinner has in store. Not much else to do here anyway, except maybe to stare out at sea and write; either silly blog posts or that nagging little paper that despite all my efforts did not cave in and write itself. They never do. Had a nice talk during breakfast with a German Professor, who took up teaching in Tallin. Judging from his tales, it seems I need to put Estonia on my map of “places to check out at some point” as well. Or Tallin, at least.

Well, that’s all for now. Tomorrow will be all about my sight-seeing adventures in Helsinki. Let’s hope that hostel has some free WiFi for me to pepper my post with some flavour pictures. Till then, moi moi!

I know my last post may have been a bit harsh towards a sad little font that only wants to be our friend. I did not mean that this font is a useless rotting mass of flesh that through some sort of wicked sorcery and/or viral infection manages to still stumble over the surface this planet and bring terror and destruction wherever it smells an intact human brain… well, okay, I did call it a zombie apocalypse. But there are several uses for Comic Sans after all! Kinda like in the ending of Shaun of the Dead!

I’ve strained my tasty grey matter to uncover just a few of the million ways one could use Comic Sans for personal or societal benefit:

1. Put it on a flyer for your party to make sure no designers show up and ruin the mood with their constant gobbledygook technicalese babble.
2. Use it as a font for the potentially dangerous additives in your chemically enhanced food. No one will take that part serious. It’s way better than fine print.
3. Make it the official font in all videogames, so children go outside to play or read a book. One printed in a proper font, of course.
4. Print tax exemption forms with it, which should quickly reduce all of your country’s debts in just a few years.
5. Write a declaration of war in it, thus not violating any conventions but being able to deliver the first strike, while the enemy still wonder whether you’re for real.
6. Use it on an application to stress test how much the company really wants you for your skills and adjust your wage negotiations accordingly.

See? Comic Sans can be your friend, if you use it in just the right way! And there are so much more ways in which you can make this frowning typeface feel needed and a valuable member of fontiety. Because excluding a handicapped font just because of its physical properties is just plain wrong. Just, because. And I won’t tolerate any fontism on my blog, no siree!

PS: You have no idea how closely MS Bob escaped font zombie hell.

Folks, there is an evil lurking on your hard drives. No, not a virus. Not some sort of evil corporate OS either. No. Read those words with as much contempt I had writing them: Comic Sans!

Yes, I know. Just another whiny rant about a font that has been scorned by designers and typenerds ever since its unholy inception. But I have had it with this one particular font. People use it because they think it’s endearing. Because it looks like fun. Because it feels more hand-written. Because it looks like you’re not really serious about what you are writing. Well, I can agree to the latter point. It’s what I always think when I read something written in Comic Sans. You cannot be serious!

Just look at those letters. Really look at them. They appear slightly bent, but not in any natural way. No-one would ever write like this. They look sickly, a mere husk of an actual font, empty, and soulless. So, cue the drum roll for my grand analogy of the day: Comic Sans is the Zombie Apocalypse of all fonts.

According to that wiki, the font was first implemented for use with MS 3D Movie Maker, so let’s call that program “Patient Zero” (…looking at the characters, the description is quite fitting). MS Bob only narrowly escaped that horrible fate. From here the font spread, with Windows 95 as its catalyst, to infect PCs and all the poor helpless Macs over the world. Its purpose? To devour human brains, especially that tasty section responsible for your sense of style.

“Oh, but Tim”, you say now, “that font is supposed to just be fun; there is not that many fonts out there that convey the same feeling!”
First of all, they got you! The font zombies got you! There is no hope left. You can’t stop the infection, well, except for the usual method. Consult the Zombie flick of your preference for further details. Secondly, yes, yes indeed, even Times New Roman and Papyrus fail to induce the same degree of nausea and dread that Comic Sans brings. However, if you want well-designed comic-style fonts, see Dr. Blambot for a prescription.

Make the world a better place. Only you can prevent font zombification!

Edit: Learn something new every day… Illustrator actually has a “Russian Poster” colour set! Immediately went to improve my propaganda revolutionary poster. Looks so much better.

Anyhoo… second ep of Murphy’s Law! If you haven’t been expecting it like a child waiting for Christmas, you’re not worthy to read it. Don’t say I didn’t tell you when your eyes melt in the sheer awesomeness that is…

… COLOURED CRAYON GOODNESS! Thought I’d add a little colour to the comics after all. I did mention I still liked using crayons, didn’t I? ;D
Must have been ages since the last time I did, tho. Somewhere back in school, I suppose. Nice to see they finally added a skin-coloured crayon to the pack. Makes stuff much, much easier. And pinker. ._.

Yeargh. Gharbl. Grrr. One would think there are people able to actually fill in a table. A very simple grid saying “name”, “e-mail address” in the first line of the first two pillars. One might even think you could find them at a university. Where all the smark peepul hang out.
Yeah, it may have been too complicated telling them to fill in their names and e-mail address in said grid, without explicitly telling them which column to use. Or to use them at all. Might have been too confusing to tell them to put down their desired time into the column titled with a date or just make a fricken cross for the whole time.
Yet, I am sick of always having to be ready to deal with everyone’s stupidity all the time, ever! Well, guess that’s what I’ll have to do now. Decypher what’s left of the table. Yay.

Apart from little issues with humanity, what’s mainly fuelling my rage is that my iPod’s broken after two and a half years of devoted service. Well, basically it’s not really broken, the audio jack just seems to be a bit shaky, so that the sound on my right speaker goes haywire. Feels like a bullet to the head every time. I sent it off to repair, which means I can’t make the world around me shut up at my command anymore.

On that note, I played through a lovely Square-Enix RPG called The World Ends With You. With the hero being an antisocial kid who’s got headphones on all the time to shut up the world around him… how could I resist? What I can say about it without spoiling too much of the nicely twisted (and sometimes a bit too cheesy) storyline is that this game finally manages to use the Nintendo DS input system to the max. Where you would usually just concentrate on one screen, this game puts combat action onto both screens. The upper screen is controlled via the D-Pad, while the lower one makes you fight with a multitude of touch commands to activate “pins” (your spells). Keeps you quite busy for a while with lots of ways to upgrade your characters and about a gadzillion of pins to collect. Another thing I came to love is the slightly stylized Japanese artwork, which really adds to the game’s atmosphere of 21st century urban design.
So, if you’ve got a DS you might wanna look into this one. Quite the best game for the system in a long time.

Now, back to ogre-mode. Gwarghl. Raaaagh.